Today I come to talk to you all about a very special person to me. Someone who many of you refer to as Jeff, but to me he is my "Bubba." Bubba was always there for me when I needed him, and I know in my heart that he still will be beside me in all that I do in my life. He was not only my brother, but he was one of my very closest friends. He always had the best advice and knew exactly how to make me smile when I wasn't having the best of time. Even though he suffered everyday of his life with CF and struggled every minute to breathe, he didn't dwell on it. He lived life to the fullest each day, never taking anything for granted, and always putting others first. As Joan Baez said, "You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you're going to live, NOW!" This was exactly how Bubba lived day to day, with no regrets, and I will always take that with me and remember everything he has taught me. When I was younger, I was told that my brother may not live as long a life as me, but I never believed that; because he was such a free spirit with so much life about him. Bubba always assured Mandy and I that no matter what lied ahead for him that he would be at our graduation. Before I walked across the stage to receive my diploma, I saw my brothers smiling face, happy as ever, sitting front row with camera in hand. I know Mandy and I made him proud that day. We feel blessed to have had a brother take such an active role in our life, and we will love and remember him forever...
I debated on posting this, to this blog. Seeing as though it was written and read for the services held for my brother when he passed. Then I remembered how much it took for me to stand up and read this in front of everyone, and the way I felt afterwards too! It was one of the hardest yet rewarding things I have been through. I know how much it meant for me to get up and speak for Bubba, and I did it not only for myself and Mandy, but more to honor him and what he means to me. Through the years I have realized how truly blessed I have been in regards to the family that God has given me in life. We all have things to be thankful for; my family, extended family, and friends, is what I believe is my one "Great Treasure", in this earthly life! Although I miss Bubba on a daily basis, I feel honored to have been such an important role in his life, like he was in mine! To those of you who had the chance to meet him, you know exactly what I'm talking about...he was larger than life, and my true "Guardian Angel!"
I experienced a lot during the month of September 2000, but also learned so much about the human spirit! I no longer am afraid of things that used to frighten me...in fact, I'm more curious then ever, about what my future holds for me. I know that I have Bubba who will always be here to help guide me through and listen to all my worries, and although he may not be able to give me answers, he will be there to catch me if I fall. I know he will, because he already has come through for me on so many occasions, and he and I know what those are! It may sound silly, but a bond you share with someone like Bubba is never lost, just goes to a different level! I truly believe that when I leave this world, my Bubba will be there to greet me with open arms, and although I'm not just ready yet, I get excited for the day that we meet again!
I posted this originally on my Myspace blog, and to me it was more like a journal post, and a way for me to get the word out about CF and Great Strides. The work we have done over the past couple of years for the CFF and Jeff's Entourage has given me something to hold on to, and dream about. I do believe that there is a cure for CF and I will continue fighting and spreading the awareness...until we meet that day, and then some!
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2 comments:
Sam this is a beautiful post. So transparent in your thoughts. I'm glad you posted it on the blog for us all to read. I think it is important for us all, as your friends, to know what you go through in your thoughts and emotions when you think of your brother. It helps keep his memory alive...or for me, it helps me to get to "know" him. Something you and Mandy and your mom and rest of the family will never forget...but that we could never understand.
I'm so glad that Jeff made it to watch you and Mandy graduate. That is an awesome moment and memory. It's so sweet. I can only imagine the proud look on his face to be there to watch you girls walk the stage...and the proud look you two had to see him very much alive in the front row to watch you.
I can't imagine how hard it was to speak at Jeff's service girl. I admire your strength to do so and to be there to do that on your sister's behalf too.
You were so strong that day while saying those great words to bubba I wish I could have been as strong and I know he was proud of you. You know when me and Jeff were 11 years old we made each other alot of promises about what we would do together in life no matter what happened to either one of us. We promised that we would never lose touch with each other as we grew older and got out of school. We vowed to be each others best men in our weddings which we did even though he was feeling to great at mine most people did not even know that because he could always put on a good face and try and shake it off. We had planned to go to college together and be roomates but neither one of us really liked school so we just hung out together at the house in Keller until David said I had to leave and Jeff had to get a job, but boy did with milk those few months for everything we could. We became blood brothers at 12 years old by cutting our fingers on a barbed wire fence and hooking them together while we said some kind of chant which I cannot recall. I have never and will never have a friend like bubba it is impossible he was one of a kind. I also made some promises to him in the months before that September day and I will do everything in my power to keep them because he has kept his and like you said Sam I too know that I will with out a doubt see him again when my time is done. You were and still are a great sis and he is very proud of you. So let us never stop talking about bubba or the memories we had with him and let us continue to work towards finding a cure for this damm diesese. Love You Brandon
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